The Woman You Become

{Was Diana the New Age Princess?}

2011-08-05T09:02:00.000-04:00

[Reprint of my article featured on the UK's New Age Blog]

The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride

Being a princess isn't all it's cracked up to be.
~ Diana, Princess of Wales

How did Prince William’s mother not only change weddings for the generations that followed her own glittering wedding spectacle in 1981, but also made it possible for William to marry Kate, the beautiful ‘commoner’? The world would have never heard of Catherine Elizabeth Middleton without Princess Diana’s “palace revolution” that began 30 years ago; however, Catherine, the new Duchess of Cambridge, the poised bride that recently captured the hearts and admiration of the world—a future queen of England—is not Diana’s only legacy.

My upcoming book, The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride: How Diana Exposed the Princess Myth for All Women, takes the incomparable, world-stage life of Diana Spencer Mountbatten-Windsor—with both its light and shadow sides—as well as her sudden mythological death, and shares the unexpected ways she affected world change. Even with her immaturity, unhappiness, neurosis, hunger for attention and approval, Diana plumbed the depths of her own sympathetic heart and showed the world the loving effect of both hands-on parenting and hands-on compassion to the sick and dying. All the while, and not always with “grace and favour,” she introduced a more personal, open-heart approach to the British monarchy, preparing it for a more equalitarian world and enlivening its archetypal outreach.

{Princess Daydreams}
Diana’s little-girl dreams were to be rescued by a prince. As a teenager she indeed attracted a prince who courted and married her—and she appeared to be living out her dream. So what happened? Diana became a real princess on her wedding day, yet later declared that being a princess wasn’t all it was cracked up to be! So why is the modern wedding industry as well as fantasies of many little girls still all about “being a princess”? It seems the “Disney Princess” enterprise, established in 2000 and now a $4 billion ‘tinsel and tiara’ phenomenon attracting little girls worldwide, hijacked this natural daydream and turned it into a “you’re not okay just the way you are” materialistic nightmare. (Disney even recently premiered their own “princess wedding gown” collection for brides.)

Of course, the Disney Princess franchise is not the only culprit. Peggy Orenstein, in her new book, Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Frontlines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture, writes about the current pink-tinted, sexed-up girlie-girl princess marketing machine that’s not only taken over a generation of little girl’s self-image, but also “fosters a desire for lots of cheap sparkly stuff.” Is this a backlash to the positive girl-power movement of the 1990s or did the intoxicating Disney dazzle simply overpower the “damsel in shining armour” model that was growing? Has the momentum shifted back now, however, and are we emerging into an even more vibrant, universal rhythm of Oprah-inspired girls and women who live Beyonce’s 2011 anthem, “Run the World (Girls)”?

The energy of the new millennium, “the dawning of the Age of Aquarius,” holds female aspects that support the rise of feminine and nurturing characteristics. (Is this the true “kinder and gentler” world promised?) It was no accident that the timing of Princess Diana’s life landed at this pivotal crossroads of human development in general and the re-emergence of women’s leadership in particular—perhaps the beginning of the next matriarchal culture. With this new energy, we are entering the era of deeply connected relationships.
“This is how spiritual partnerships work,” Gary Zukov states in his 1989 book, The Seat of the Soul. “You begin to set aside the wants of your personality in order to accommodate the needs of your partner’s spiritual growth, and in doing that, you grow yourself.”

{Rescuing Damsels}
Thirty years ago this July, Diana’s wedding extravaganza resurrected the bridal industry, inspiring the society-style celebrations with their “refined Martha Stewart shaped details” that we know today. But the change in “all things wedding” was only the beginning of her influence on women's lives. Diana tapped into something deeper and more intimate. By allowing her life to be exposed in ways that were not always the most attractive or flattering, she put the spotlight on what was missing in modern relationships.

“We are at the end of the fairy-tale bride,” my book declares. The end of the belief that a woman needs to be rescued and that a man’s job is to come to the rescue. Although we may continue to be enchanted by long ago folktales featuring these “damsel and knight” stories, this archetype hardly serves the deeper desires of women and men for happy and fulfilling relationships if women are portrayed as “lesser than” in any way. The damsel and knight fairy tale always ends at the “point of rescue,” noted author Dr. Caroline Myss in a 1998 article in the New Age Journal magazine following Diana’s death. “Indeed the shadow side of this fairy tale is that the woman is taken from one form of containment—her maiden palace—to yet another form of containment—the knight’s palace.”

Helping to break apart the “princess myth” and “damsel and knight” fairy tale that has stifled women’s self-esteem and personal growth for years may indeed be Diana’s most powerful contribution in reframing how women and girls see themselves. But is the origin myth of these stories actually an empowering message for women? Did the stories and fairy tales get twisted in the retelling by the overly sentimental Victorians, a suppressive society for women, covering up their more enlightened meaning? Perhaps the ‘being a princess’ desire is simply an echo of a woman’s true goddess nature and Diana’s death reopened the pathway to this forgiving and loving ancient goddess-era spirit. Perhaps the “rescuing damsel” stories were actually about honouring the female essence.
It’s natural for women (no matter our age) to fantasize, play dress up, and love romantic fairy tales, pageantry and weddings (royal or otherwise.) In my upcoming book and new blog—through stories and musings told against the backdrop of Princess Diana’s life in a “things are seldom as they seem” approach—I explore how the lives of women and little girls can be enhanced and strengthened, not only by using our intuition plus naturally nurturing and relating instincts, but also by paying attention to fairy tales, childhood dreams, mythology, romance and ritual, and our unbridled imaginations.

{Diana's Requiem}
Being a photogenic princess gave Diana the spotlight; but opening her heart gave her power. The appeal of her warmth and vulnerability made her “the people’s princess,” but her deep sense of having a bigger life purpose gave her courage to make a difference around the globe.

Diana was not the first naïve young woman to fall in love with a dashing image instead of the man; nor the first suspicious bride-to-be who wanted to call the whole thing off on the eve of her wedding. Neither was she the first camera-pleasing beauty to marry a prince in a splashy fairy-tale wedding and become a tabloid princess; nor the first young wife to turn into a needy, manipulative shrew. Diana was not the first media-sensation celebrity to cover-up unhealthy, addictive habits; nor was she the first deeply sensitive woman to develop an empathetic healing touch. And she was not the first famously charismatic princess to die an early accidental death and become even more legendary.

Nonetheless, Princess Diana was singularly the most famous woman in the world in life and death, blowing open the heart chakra of the planet to a degree not really known or even understood, but as part of a divine plan to ready us all for a new millennium of major global shifts. During the week between her death and memorial service, she held the world’s attention in a mysterious, alchemical pause—like a redemptive, ascending prayer. Inside this startling and mournful global meditation, we found something of ourselves once thought lost or simply long forgotten. Then like a goddess of Avalon—some say even as the reincarnation of the Roman Goddess Diana herself—her body was peacefully laid to rest amongst familial trees on an ancient island in an oval ancestral lake in the heart of England.

{The Legacy of a Princess}
Whatever part Diana’s wedding and life and death played in illuminating the stories of deep heart connection that honor feminine beauty and strength; the lineage of women (both the light and dark aspects); the bride’s rite-of-passage; the power of a nurturing spirit; the potential of a child’s daydreams; the expression of spiritual lessons we’re to learn during our time on Earth; the devotion of motherhood and lighthearted parenting; the healing power of loving touch; being in service to others even when we feel inadequate ourselves; the miraculous results of forgiveness given and the stinging results of forgiveness withheld; and all of life’s rites-of-passage including life into death—we thank her for her role in this divine plan. Paraphrasing editor and Jungian analyst Jane Haynes in the book When a Princess Dies: From Diana’s wounding and our subsequent healing, a flower-harvest of possibility was born.

One possibility that already has come to pass—and created an opening for many more—is the marriage of her elder son which represented and fulfilled everything Diana wished for. “He has found the woman who would bring him the personal contentment she lacked,” shared Diana biographer and Newsweek editor-in-chief Tina Brown after William and Kate’s wedding. And it just may be that “Princess Kate”—now Her Royal Highness and a Queen Catherine to-be—could set the pace for a whole new paradigm of women’s equality and, along with her prince, showcase a world-view platform for being a true partner in marriage and relationships. (“Hurray, Diana!”) ~

[Stay tuned for publication news of my upcoming book, The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride.]

{A Woman's Mystery}

2011-03-14T19:23:00.001-04:00

(It looks like I’m continuing a “bird theme” by sharing this favorite post below from The Woman You Become archives or maybe it’s simply “warm weather dreaming!” Either way, enjoy the redux mystery!)

A Woman’s Mystery

A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. ~Arnold Haultain

With the warmer days here in the mountains for the last month, I’ve enjoyed moving my office to my front porch — with my laptop perched on a little make-shift desk. Here I write and watch the various birds with the glorious mountain-scape all around me.

To my delight, one of my early visitors was a lone hummingbird (female, I figured, because of her dull coloring). She would briefly fly about the hanging basket of fuchsia, buzz around my head, then be off, followed by my promises of “one day” I’d hang out a bottle of nectar as well. (Hummingbirds are still rather new to me, so I’ve seen them as little magical, mysterious creatures.)

Finally one morning I “cooked up” some sugar water, filled the bottle, hung it on my porch, and called my little friend to breakfast. It didn’t take her long to arrive to sample my “cooking.” Then I heard a second unmistakable buzzing. Here came the ruby-throated, iridescent green-back male — her mate? I was thrilled. But as soon as he arrived, he darted at my little friend, buzzing her away. He chased her in what seemed to me an attack, then began doing his masculine pendulum-swing aerial act!

“Be sweet, now,” I said to my visitors, “and stop fussing!” After several days of that routine I announced to them that, although I loved them, they were “losing their mystery” for me with all of that noisy aggressive behavior.

The next day or so, I heard Marianne Williamson, a favorite author, give her “Miracle Thought” for the day podcast on the subject of “intimacy.”

(For a little background: I’m an “observer” of relationships. I haven’t had a lot of experience, but I’m a keen witness on how creatures — including men and women! — interact. In my observations, I’m intrigued by a particular type of couple: they have been together for years and have stopped hearing each other; then it’s like a tired gray fog of resentment hangs over them. He stopped listening long ago, and she talks even more.)

So Marianne’s podcast on intimacy fascinated me. She talked about the upfront, “tell it like it is!” American culture that believes in saying whatever they’re thinking — even “in the name of intimacy.” There is “value in discretion” she offered. “For women, particularly, it is important to retain our mystery.”

Marianne asks the listener to consider that “in order to preserve intimacy — you don’t say everything you’re thinking. I suggest to you,” she continued, “that intimacy is not just where everything is spoken; intimacy is, more importantly, where everything can be heard. There are times that intimacy itself demands that we be very careful not only with what we say, but how we say it.”

It’s not about withholding or being dishonest, or “not being real, not being authentic,” but it is about being real in the most loving, compassionate way. And coming from that space, you can trust your higher-self to say what is lovingly supportive.

There is nothing wrong with a bit of mystery. There are times, the author shared, “when mystery is a salve…when mystery is anything but a lie…it can be a higher kind of truth.”

Marianne spoke about hearing a radio interview with a famous French couple while in France — her travel mate interpreting for her. The woman was asked the secret of the couple’s long successful marriage. “I never lost my mystery,” the woman responded.

“When a woman retains her feminine,” Marianne concluded, “truly stays within her feminine spirit, a man never grows bored. And a woman who talks too much, loses her mystery. Silence is part of our power; it is not a game, it is part of the dance. It’s part of the feminine. We are powerful when we speak and we are powerful when we are silent.”

Amen.

{Our Colorful Wings}

2010-12-16T06:36:00.010-05:00

The day was counting up its birds and never got the answer right.
~author unknown

Eastern Bluebird

On one of these really cold days in the mountains, after an overnight snowfall, I was huddled close to a heater working on a new book. I looked out the window in time to see a flock of bluebirds—catching the sunlight to prove their "blue-ness"—just as they were landing on the dying branches of some large pokeweed.

Pokeweed or Polk Salat

Watching them dance from branch to branch collecting a few of the remaining shriveled purplish berries, I don't think I stopped smiling, like the bluebirds had come especially to see me—an exclusive stopover to bring secret messages from another distant mountaintop.

They stayed around to visit for awhile, dazzling me with their lightness and ease, then just as quickly, they were flying off, their colors stretched against the same blue of the sky, leaving me to my little drafty room and attempts to be creative while stiffening against the cold. But I didn't let their visit go to naught. I took their inspiration to stretch my own wings—literally—and danced around the cabin, taking deep relaxing breaths and before long, more ease and a bit of warmth returned.

The warming thoughts reminded me of other colorful feathered visitors back in the late summer. It was a sunny day when I was working at my makeshift writing desk on the front porch, and when in one of those "looking-away" moments—somewhere between daydreaming and staring off into nowhere—something startled me "awake."

Black-eyed Susans

I narrowed my focus to a little patch of Black-eyed Susans in the yard and then realized they were moving but there was no breeze. Focusing in more, I could tell there was something flitting about the stems making the tall wildflowers shimmy. It couldn't possibly be a bird, I thought, the stems were too thin; a large insect of sorts? All I could see—or thought I could see—was the slight erratic movement of the bright yellow flowers.

summer male American Goldfinch

Then I saw it! A tiny goldfinch exactly the same bright yellow and black of the Black-eyed Susans! By then my mouth was hanging open: Were you attracted to the flower because it's just like you—offering near perfect camouflage?—I asked the little fellow. Is that why "likes attract"—we just fit in so well? Or did you have no idea that you were hopping around a bright yellow flower with a black center, mirroring your own exotic coloring and markings? Like dancing with your botanical kissin' cousin!

And as if to prove there was something to this "color-matching phenomenon," I spotted its mate—the less colorful, brownish female—in a regular ole brown and green bush. Not enough "data" for any worthy scientific survey, but sure seemed like there was something afoot here.Then I thought of all the "opposites of me" things that I adored and it blew that theory right out. So maybe the little yellow creature—who is not as colorful all year round, like the rest of us (I'm thinking of how fewer baths I take in the cold mountain winter, feeling more "dull," but perhaps that's too much information)—is just attracted to bright, happy colorful things....again, like the rest of us!

Rose-breasted Grosbeak

What is it about the colorful colors (distinct from the dull colors) in Mother Nature that light us up? (I still can remember when I first saw an all red Tanager—"No, Daniel, it was not a Cardinal"—in a pine tree next to the railroad tracks when I was a little girl; or the time a bunch of brilliant Indigo Buntings took my breath away when I saw them playing in a fresh rain puddle and I started to cry; or when a Rose-Breasted Grosbeak sat on my old brick windowsill in Atlanta years ago for such a brief moment that I thought I must have dreamt it, and then appeared again—well, maybe it was not the "same" one—this fall at my cabin's window screen confirming its magic; or all the times my mother called me long distance to tell me how many "red" Cardinals she saw that morning out her bathroom window—she always included "red" to be sure I understood the colorful and unique nature of what she was seeing!)

Indigo Bunting

Is the attraction/fascination/delight in being more uncommon, more noticeable, more dazzling than the rest of us? Is it some psychological reasoning or unreasoning that we are attracted to that which we aspire—something that, perhaps, we are too fearful to express with any full tilt boogie authenticity on a regular day? (Or at least while someone is looking!) Or maybe it's a moment of perfect recognition that reveals our mirrored "other"—something that taps into a deep spiritual recognition of our truest self—something sparkling and divine

Eastern Bluebird eggs

Whatever it is, it always dazzles and lights me up when I see it! And its memory brings a little warmth to my cold toes and nose in this wintry right-now-moment....and delivers a sense of colorful possibility for things to come. That's good enough for me.

Celebrating The Skin We're In

2010-11-18T10:00:00.004-05:00

Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have. ~Doris Mortman

I heard an intriguing interview on NPR's "Fresh Air." Host Terry Gross spoke with Ryan Murphy, creator of and main writer for the satirical plastic surgery television series Nip/Tuck. The opening line of each episode (taken from the writer's real-life experience) is by the doctor inquiring of a new patient: "What don't you like about yourself?"

Hmmmm. Someone having "issues" with their looks or body is not untypical, but it does seem the phenomenon to have surgery to change something here 'n there became "pandemic" in American culture over the last several years. (Which is what Nip/Tuck satirizes it seems.) What would it take for us to simply have whatever "issue" we have, yet at the same time, celebrate our bodies just the way it is/we are? (i.e.: accept it, love it, flaunt it, camouflage it, lose it, heal it, or whatever is apropos at the time!)

There is no occasion that brings up these body concerns more than when a bride shops for her wedding dress (especially if she "struggles" with her body). This experience is poignantly and hilariously expressed by Susan Jane Gilman in her book, Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress.

A cynical, self-declared "subversive" New Yorker who hated shopping because of her hard-to-fit figure, Susan never thought she would be wearing one of those white pouffy dresses as a bride. (Something trashy in red or black was more her speed!) But reluctantly she goes shopping and, not understanding or appreciating her body type, she looked "hideous" (her word) in the dresses she chose and was ready to give up. But thanks to a patient saleswoman who had a great eye for what looked good on a woman's figure, Susan -- now looking gorgeous dressed in the saleswoman's choice -- had what she called a "total ideological meltdown" in the middle of David's Bridal!

"I couldn't help it. I almost started to weep. I looked beautiful. More beautiful than I had ever seen myself look in my entire life. I looked queenly, glorious, uncompromised," the author exclaimed. "Every woman should see herself looking uniquely breathtaking, in something tailored to celebrate her body, so that she is better able to appreciate her own beauty and better equipped to withstand the ideals of our narrow-waisted, narrow-minded culture."

(I loved reading that because in my former shop when my designers and I dressed a bride, these were the results we were after and celebrated in achieving!)

Of course some women like their bodies just fine, thank you very much! Like Sonja Herbert of Berkeley, California -- a savvy, wise, and grounded woman -- who is featured as a bride in an archived issue of my online magazine, Weddings of Grace. Sonja said that everything seemed to come together with ease when she began planning her simple, elegant, reverent wedding with the exception of one "difficulty" -- shopping for the dress!

"The hardest part for me was selecting the dress," Sonja explained. "It was like the stores were putting me on a pedestal, but insulting me at the same time. They were telling me what the dress hid; selling me a dress that would solve my problems. 'Oh, this dress makes you look skinny; this one makes you look tall.' I finally said, 'I'm happy with my body just the way it is!'" (Sonja participates in triathlons, so she should know!)

For the most part, wedding gown designers do indeed focus on making a woman look beautiful. If a bride has "body issues," then the help of a "knowing" designer, alterations expert, and/or salesperson who understands proportion (it's all about proportion) puts the bride in good hands. And when it all comes together, as I tell brides in my book, The Bride's Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself, "linger in front of the mirror and simply soak in looking and feeling feminine and luscious and gorgeous in your own eyes!"

This passage in my book continues with a reminder for all women: "You don't have to wait for your wedding day, or stop doing it on your wedding day, or even have a wedding day to celebrate your womanliness! And no, you don't wear a figure-shaping, goddess-inspiring, glowing white ball gown designed to show off your femininity every day, but you can celebrate you every day -- body and spirit!"

So with or without some nip 'n tuck ... let's all "celebrate the skin we're in!"

Love. Listen. Let go.
... with love from Cornelia

[Photograph of Bride: Julie Mikos]

[Text updated and reprinted from original Woman You Become blog.]

Mythology of the Blue Sapphire

2010-10-26T12:01:00.012-04:00

Since the stories of mythology and wedding folklore tend to draw us all into their world in a way that we often find a deeper part of ourselves, I thought I’d share this article, Mythology of the Blue Sapphire, that I wrote recently for Season magazine. (Scroll to page 103.)

Actually, its inspiration came from a passage in my book, The Bride's Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself. I love being reminded by notes from women -- who are not brides nor involved in weddings but have enjoyed the book nevertheless -- how much the book is not just for brides, but for all women who love matters of the heart! Enjoy....
...with love from Cornelia

Mythology of the Blue Sapphire

...with blue of heaven’s own tinct...
-William Shakespeare

Wedding history is full of mystical mythology. For instance, a long standing bridal superstition stated no harm could befall a bride wearing blue. The origin of this belief was actually about the protective powers of the blue sapphire. In ancient wisdom, colors, gemstones, flowers, indeed, all elements of nature held certain properties or powers and the sapphire had some serious energetic mojo! The wearer of a blue sapphire was thought to not only be protected from harm, but was also bestowed inner peace, purity of purpose, and the ability to attract divine favor.

Ancient Persians believed the earth rested on a giant blue sapphire, and the gemstone’s color was reflected onto the sky. Some biblical historians say the Ten Commandments handed to Moses from God were carved on sapphire. With such a powerful “color of heaven” legacy, it stands to reason that the sapphire has been the choice of royalty (King Solomon wore a sapphire ring), and priests (Medieval church officials chose sapphires to decorate their scepters), and lovers (Joan of Navarre, fourteenth century bride of Henry IV of England, received a sapphire ring set inscribed with a love motto, known as a posy: A MA VIE, “to my life”).

In addition to its ethereal association, the sapphire also represents fidelity and romantic devotion. Queen Victoria wore a brooch with an immense blue sapphire surrounded by diamonds pinned to the front of her white silk satin wedding gown, a gift from her beloved Albert on the eve of their nuptials in 1840. The mythical and romantic stories of the stone’s power would not have been lost on the royal couple. (Victoria wore the brooch constantly during Prince Albert’s lifetime, but seldom after his death 21 years after their wedding.) In her will she left it to the Crown, for use by future queens of Great Britain.

The blue sapphire is also considered the stone of “holy blessings,” symbolizing truth, sincerity, and faithfulness. In Ayurvedic wisdom, the color blue is linked with the throat chakra, or energy center, and inspires balance in our true self-expression. With these blessings at its core, it’s no wonder that brides were encouraged to wear something blue at a time when declarations of love and commitment were to be spoken.

As a teenage bride-to-be, Lady Diana Spencer chose a sapphire and diamond engagement ring from the selection offered her by Prince Charles and the royal family. Princess Diana continued to wear the ring after her divorce, perhaps because it was simply dazzling, or perhaps, in her intuitive way, she sensed its blessings of inner peace that she longed for. (The ring now belongs to the couple’s oldest son, Prince William.)

A precious gemstone may not be able to guarantee the love we want (possibly true for Victoria, but not for Diana), however “holy blessings” come in all shapes and sizes and disguises, encouraging us to look deeper into our own spirit for our heart’s true desire. And then perchance a bit of “blue magic” will indeed appear.

[Gemstone image above is of the famous 423 carat Logan Sapphire]

{Sitting in Stillness} Revisiting "Eat, Pray, Love" Part Two

2010-09-30T20:27:00.079-04:00

"Stillness is what creates Love
Movement is what creates Life
To be still
Yet still moving -
That is everything."
~ Do Hyun Choe

Although Eat, Pray, Love as a film was a disappointment ( a little too much “style over substance” for me), seeing it encouraged me to revisit the spiritual calm of the book. The 2006 New York Times best selling book, a year in the life of spiritual seeker Elizabeth Gilbert, wrapped me in the centering remembrance of “sitting in stillness.” A simple practice to calm life’s profound frenzy that I’ve been missing.

As Elizabeth says in her book: “The best we can do, then, in response to our incomprehensible and dangerous world, is to practice holding equilibrium internally—no matter what insanity is transpiring out there.”

I loved how a friend she met at an Ashram in India—during the middle of her yearlong journey—explained it to her: “‘Imagine that the universe is a great spinning engine. You want to stay near the core of the thing—right in the hub of the wheel—not out at the edges where all the wild whirling takes place, where you can get frayed and crazy. The hub of calmness—that’s your heart. That’s where God lives within you. So stop looking for answers in the world. Just keep coming back to that center and you’ll always find peace.’”

So how do you keep coming back to your hub, your heart center…especially at those times when you’re feeling “frayed” and just a tad “crazy”? One of the ways is to be willing to “sit in stillness” for a few moments to begin finding your way back into the quiet of your peaceful center.

As author Eckhart Tolle explained: “When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world.” The world is indeed changing rapidly and the sheer force of this rapid change will gobble you up if you’re out in the “wild whirling edges” with no pathway back to your hub, your heart…your inner stillness. And it seems there are a lot of people losing themselves in this swirling, whirling, edgy world.

Just listen to or read the news for a few minutes—no matter what station or channel or link. It’s filled with people with a lot of “edges”—focusing on “making the other side wrong” whether their game is politics, money, religion, business, relationship—it’s all the same when it’s the “right or wrong” game. Because if you’re busy making someone else wrong—no matter who they are or what they’ve done—it doesn’t make you right, it just makes you lose. Lose your sense of self, lose your connection to the divine, lose your footing along the pathway back to your hub—your heart, your true self.

I don’t remember who said it, but the opposite of love is not hate, it’s fear. And do you know what “sitting in stillness” for a few moments can show you? That there is no fear in the hub; no right or wrong, no them or us, no politics, no religion. The hub, as Elizabeth’s Ashram friend said, is “where God lives within you”…and only love can live there. Or as Saint Augustine declared in the fourth century: “Our whole business therefore in this life is to restore to health the eye of the heart whereby God may be seen.”

The thing about being out on the “wild whirling edges” of the machine masquerading as life is that if you’re out there for too long, you think that’s all there is; any recollection “hub” is overcome by the mind-machine noise. Nonetheless, since the “hub” is the place you came from, where your spirit resides, sometimes a subtle recognition breaks through: watching a sunset; or hearing a certain voice or piece of music; or a lover’s touch. If this happens, grab the opportunity to find your own “hub of calmness.”

Close your eyes and take deep, slow, luscious breaths as long as you can—deep, slow inhales and soft, long exhales (through your nose if you can for more relaxation). Allow your body to let go of tensions—breathe deeply into those tight and tense places that you notice—and relaxxxxxxx. Continue to relax your body with each deep breath and focus your attention inside, letting your busy thoughts of the noisy world to just drift by. Ahhh…you’re on your way to inner stillness.

As the renowned spiritual guide Sri Chinmoy shared: “When I meditate, I clearly see that God is already seated inside my heart.” With some practice, a few moments of “sitting in stillness” each day recalibrates the roadmap and takes you home…deep inside your heart. The quiet and calm finds you.

Love. Listen. Let go.
....with love from Cornelia

{Sitting in Stillness} Revisiting "Eat, Pray, Love" Part One

2010-09-21T21:08:00.010-04:00

Learning how to be still,
to really be still and let life happen --
that stillness becomes a radiance.
~ Morgan Freeman

I recently saw the film version of Eat, Pray, Love based on Elizabeth Gilbert’s 2006 best selling book. I enjoyed reading the book when it came out—the gifted storyteller’s funny and heartfelt tale of her personal journey of self-discovery. However, the movie—a bit too glossy and cinematic for me—was a different story; as one reviewer said about the film: “most of what made the book connect with so many is entirely missing here.”

Although the movie was beautiful to look at, I felt there was little of the author’s intimate and thoughtful introspection that opened a doorway into the readers’ own inner self. A doorway that led to tucked away passions rediscovered; or the nurturing, knowing voice of one’s inner spirit; or the roadmap to living a life you truly love. Elizabeth’s search encouraged your own exploration of a deeper, richer, more meaningful place of being.

Reading Eat, Pray, Love brought up queries of the spirit. How to find your center, your deeply settled self, when life spins you out of whack? As we’re going through this noisy, world-on-speed time (I believe it’s a cosmic function of “Mother righting the ship!”) it seems more important than ever to get centered and grounded in your authentic self.

I remember a broadcast of Elizabeth’s appearance on Oprah when her book became such a phenomenal success and the two women spoke of finding inner stillness during the frenetic swirl of life. The author advised: “Find a sacred moment of silence; a slice of stillness each day, if only for a couple of minutes.” Oprah then told the audience: “The most important thing I learned in Elizabeth’s book is about stillness. The voice of God can’t get through otherwise!”

Year ago I was introduced to this distinction of stillness through friends who created a relaxation technique where you tapped into a level of deep consciousness very quickly and as you eased into that realm of inner stillness, you would be able to live closer to your spirit self…that more aware, softer, creative, expanded you. With this technique, I could not only reach, but dwell in deep levels of consciousness. It required practice by being an attentive witness to life in the moment, especially in a noisy world working hard to distract you and get you off-course.

No matter what form of meditation or prayer or mantra or ritual you use, if you’re ever off-course, out-of-kilter, wrestling with doubt and worry—here’s the key: visiting that “slice of stillness” is how you begin to find your center again. As Swami Sai Premananda expresses: “When you're with stillness, you merge on some level with everything around you. You can't pinpoint where it's coming from. From inside? From outside? Where? It just is. It is just this moment of peace and stillness.”

In Eat, Pray, Love Elizabeth wrote about her last meditation ritual at the Ashram where she stayed in India: “I close my eyes and let the mantra come. I climb down that ladder into my own hub of stillness. When I get there, I can feel the world halt…. In my heart, the clock stops and the calendar pages quit flying off the wall. I sit in silent wonder at all I understand. I am not actively praying. I have become a prayer.”

One of the things I appreciated about Elizabeth’s book was the reminder of how simple yet profound it is to “sit in stillness” for a few moments each day and empty out the noise. And when in that sacred like place, how beauty and love and peacefulness rise up, not so much as to fill the space, but help usher in the stillness of the void. Here the feeling of deep connection and oneness seep into my bones. Here I welcome the nurturing quiet…and breathing deeply into my heart, I let go, forgive it all, and just drift out and become the stillness.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Visit Part Two]

{Wise Men/Wise Women = All Divine!}

2010-08-04T17:42:00.002-04:00

Don't miss this wise and beautiful and deeply moving blog post "Why It Is Wise to Worship a Woman" by Arjuna Ardagh (a man!). And what made it even more special for me (well, actually a delicious miracle) is that I learned about the post because a dear friend posted it on his Facebook page (with kudos for the author) then asked me to take look, wanting to know what I thought....

(I think I'm getting on a jet plane to go visit him!)

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Image courtesy of the Huffington Post]

{Smile, Breathe, and Go Slowly}

2010-07-19T16:33:00.006-04:00

“For fast-acting relief try slowing down.” ~Lily Tomlin

In a recent interview, when asked the best advice I’ve given a bride, I shared “smile, breathe, and go slowly.” I think these words by Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh become a perfect mantra to use, not only while planning a wedding, but they are perfect words to live by at any time…especially in our frenetic, rushing-around culture!

People just seem to be busy-busy (even when they don’t have a lot to do!) But during those really busy times, you tend to start multi-tasking; your actions get on speed-dial; your breathing becomes shallow; and you get wound really tight. And when you’re tense and speeding around like that, you’re usually “in your head” (i.e.: not “in your body” therefore not “all there!”) And when you’re inside your head (your noisy thoughts), you’re not present—nor are you inside your heart. And when you’re not thinking from your heart, you’re not fully connected to people. It’s like your energy becomes sharp and edgy, and it bumps and knocks into people—ouch!—instead of flowing (the kind of energy that feels good to be around.)

Slow down, take a deep breath, and smile.

Smiling helps release tension and brings you back to yourself. Smiling relaxes the body, slows down your breaths, quiets your thoughts, radiates warmth and connection, and creates the world anew. It’s hard to be angry or jealous or bent out of shape with a big smile on your face. And it’s easier to “be present” and stay related to other people when you’re smiling.

The wise Thich Nhat Hanh also said: “Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful.” So…smile, Girl, smile! And do yourself and the world a favor and slow down and breatheeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: Julie Mikos]

{Falling Awake} Part Three: Everything You Need Is At Your Fingertips

2010-07-06T17:54:00.006-04:00

“We dance round in a ring and suppose, But the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”
~Robert Frost (In the Clearing)

As I sit on my front porch—continuing the story of the three “gift lessons” from my recent “falling awake” experience—I'm looking out at the last of the pale pink blooms of rhododendron down the ridge that seem to get pinker in the morning fog. And I'm enjoying every sip of my nettle infusion tea. (Did you get the herbal “recipe” yet for building strong bones in one of the other two posts? See below.)

During my broken ankle healing process, I had check-in calls with my friend in New York, Leslee Cooper, a budding intuitive healer. (She’s always been one, just “budding” publicly now!) Leslee began reading some instructions to me over the phone. “Wait,” I said, and stopped taking notes, “what are you reading from?” She was reading from a book that I already had. A copy of the same book—Susun Weed’s Menopausal Years: The Wise Woman Way - Alternative Approaches for Women 30-90—was less than twenty feet away from me at that moment on my kitchen book shelf, but I had never read it! Like everything in life, we have all we need for whatever we require for our growth and well-being right at our fingertips. (Sometimes we just have to get really quiet and still to hear the message to see/find/know it. And if we don't, we might get a konk on the head or fall down and break something! hmmmm.)

So another blessing from my “falling awake” experience lead me to a book that I already had, full of the wisdom I required! Did you know that…

1.    …if you drink lemon juice in water with or after your meal—since calcium requires an acid environment for maximum digestion—that this increases the hydrochloric acid production for digestion of calcium (as well as iron and other nutrients)?
2.    …coffee, white sugar, and alcohol bind calcium, rendering it unusable by the body?
3.    …soft drinks and white flour products use up calcium stores in the bones?
4.    …a couple of cups a day of horsetail herb (taken as an infused tea) dramatically increases healing and strength in bones?
5.    …that calcium and vitamin D work together and alfalfa and nettle contain both and to use either one as an infusion improves calcium utilization in the body, strengthening bones?

And that’s just on page 22 of Susun’s book! It’s chock-full of tips and wisdom throughout—and not just about bones, but for all of your body’s health. She also includes testimonials from women who had great results from drinking the herbal infusions.

Now I can sit here and “wish” that I had paid attention to this information at my fingertips sooner. Or I could “have regrets” that I ignored information received years ago from doctors about bone density concerns. But what good would all that wishing ‘n hoping ‘n worrying do? So instead—and much more productive, healing and fun—I feel blessed that I “heard” my body’s messages when I did (even if it took a “falling awake” experience to do it) and that I’m acting on this wise direction. My body says ahhhhhh.

Love. Listen. Let go.
....with love from Cornelia

ps: My “recipes” of herbal infusions go something like this:
I put a cup of dry herbs in a glass quart jar and fill with boiling water; screwing the lid on tight, I let it steep (on my kitchen counter) for five-six hours.
When ready, I squeeze the herbs—using an infusion tea pot (great if you have one, but not necessary)—for every last bit of delicious healing liquid and place the jar of infused tea in the refrigerator (adding the leftover herbs to my compost).
I drink a cup of one of my herbal brews (nettle, oat straw, comfrey, or horsetail) in the morning and another in the afternoon (I usually don’t heat it up, just drink it ‘as is’…).
And during my healing process the last month and a half, I've generally added a third cup of whatever brew I had available during the day or evening.

{Falling Awake} Part Two: Conscious Steps

2010-06-30T17:48:00.009-04:00

"Notice what you notice." ~Allan Ginsburg

The moments before I fell, I was not "present"—I was preoccupied and rushing—and did not realize that when I jumped up from my computer chair, twisting around to miss a table, that my right foot had "fallen asleep." A moment later, I got very present. As I was falling (you know how time slows down during certain circumstances?) I had the thought, "I didn't have any foundation." The thought—and the possibility of its bigger picture meaning—startled me awake!

As I hit the floor, I had an image in my mind's eye of a tiny line across my ankle bone (kind of like a James Thurber drawing) which is how the emergency room doctor later described what he saw on the X-ray, a slight crack. Slight or not, I still needed support to move around while the bone healed. As many of you know, to use crutches or a walker, or when wearing one of those clunky “boots,” you have to pay attention to every step.

Therefore, these various moving around aids became great teachers. They reminded me to “slow down,” notice the subtleties of the world around me (size of doorways, the proximity of furniture, location of the nearest bathroom), and notice where I was about to take a step (was the floor even or was there a rise, was the ground soft or pebbly, etcetera). Plus, since movement was not always easy, I wanted each move to be purposeful and efficient. Life happening as a series of details!

I was definitely in the school of “be here now.” Of course it was a pain in the arse many times, but I was blessed to have many reminders to stay present. Once I got through the “how the heck am I going to do this on my own?” phase, I focused on not only healing my bone, but restoring vitality to my whole body and spirit. (And to acknowledge that my body was “of an age” that required special attention—whether I was in denial or not!)

I intended that each step strengthen my bones, nourish every cell in my body, support my “best self,” expand my view of the world, and that the next step was on a solid foundation. Even if metaphorically, I was stepping into life’s unknown (isn’t it all a mystery?), I’d be more intentional that my direction was true.

With this healing experience of “falling awake,” I also intend that every step now prepares me for when I’m 110 and, perhaps my steps may be less sure, but that they will be deeply supported.

In Susun Weed’s remarkable book (please get a copy for yourself, your daughter, your mother and grandmother!) Menopausal Years - The Wise Woman Way: Alternative Approaches for Women 30-90, wise “Grandmother Growth” shares advice—in folkloric asides—with “great granddaughter”:

“I bring you the ancient women’s mystery stories. Take the time to listen to me. Slow down. Take time off so you can hear the old, old memories beginning to chant in your bones, drum in your heart, pulse in your veins, transform your energy.”

I’m very grateful to all the “wise women” who have supported—and continue to support—my inner and outer healing and especially for their contributions of “wake-up wisdom.”

Now that my foot is in the final stages of healing—I’m walking with just the support of an ace bandage wrap—I look forward to more activity (and promise myself, and bones, I won’t be so lazy about it!): getting back to using my rebounder (I didn’t even think about it strengthening bones when I started using it a few years ago for other benefits); and to taking long walks and hikes through this inspiring and healing mountain landscape. And with every step and every breath—pay attention and notice what I’m noticing.

Love. Listen. Let go.
....with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: Courtesy of The Metropolitan Museum of Art: "Detail of lace dress hem, worn with gauze fringed shawl and embroidered slippers, probably French, ca. 1810"]
Author's Note:
In addition to showing off exquisite details of needlework, this favorite image—that has been in my collection of photographs for over 20 years—always reminded me of "stepping out with grace." And for those of you who knew me in my antique-lace-wearing-days, would not be surprised to know that when Jeffrey Plank first saw this image, he remarked, "It's like I'm seeing the world through Cornelia's eyes!"

{Falling Awake} Part One: These Strong Lovely Bones

2010-06-25T12:02:00.004-04:00

"Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones." ~Proverbs 16:24

I don’t believe in “accidents.” As I see it, everything is a message from our “wise self,” our higher spirit; a message guiding our life; even a “wake-up call” if we haven’t been listening! So when I fell about a month and a half ago and broke my right ankle (barely a crack, but as the emergency room doctor said, “it’s still broken!”), it was a “falling awake” experience.

Although the healing experience was a challenge in many ways (lots of emotions came up; it was “hard work” to be dependent; using crutches; etc.) there have been many blessings, like the generosity of friends and insights gained from seeing the world from a “hobbling, ungraceful” view. But the fall and its aftermath have clearly been an opportunity to listen deeper to what my body is telling me about what it needs.

These messages are the three main “gift lessons” I received in my “falling awake” experience (and perhaps they can be gifts for you):
1. be present with every step I take
2. pay more attention to my bones
3. everything we need for healing is at our fingertips

I plan to explore all three messages in future blogs, but today it’s about our lovely bones! Through Leslee Cooper’s support (a dear friend in New York who is just beginning to acknowledge what an extraordinary intuitive healer she is), I got really clear that my fall was “a reminder to take care of my bones.” Although I eat natural, healthy foods most of the time—and organic when possible—was I really eating all my bones needed? And although I walk all around and up and down these glorious mountains—sometimes by choice and other times by necessity—I’m basically a lazy “exerciser” and practically abandoned my Qi Gong exercises (a guarantee for strong bones if you just do them!)

So thank goodness my “wise self” helped out once again (a more gentle hint this time). Late last summer, an article about nettle (and a story by the well-known author, herbalist, and all around “Earth Mother” Susun Weed) in Western North Carolina Woman magazine caught my attention.

Susun Weed’s story spoke about a woman strengthening her bones (as reported by her doctor) after a regimen of brewing and drinking infusions made from dried nettle, oat straw, and red clover. I began drinking daily cups of the first two herbs as often as I could (and with each sip I’d declare, “…feeling stronger already!” to reinforce the healthy ritual.) And my body indeed responded and I intuitively felt that my bones were getting stronger. (Perhaps the results of the fall would have been worse if I had not started this practice.) And with what I've learned après fall from Susun's book, see below, I’ve added horsetail and comfrey dried herbs to my infusion selection.

If I can do this, you can do this! It works...Susun Weed is a renown sage of women’s health. (Please let me know if you have questions...maybe I can help.)

And Susun Weed’s “must have” book, Menopausal Years: The Wise Woman Way - Alternative Approaches for Women 30-90, has great tips for health and well-being at any age. (AND lots of encouragement—it’s never too late to start being in love with your bones!!)

Stay tuned for more tips and insights in part two and three of my “falling awake” experience in the next blog posts. Sending love and strong energy for all the parts of you!

Love. Listen. Let go.
....with love from Cornelia

{Visitors from Above}

2010-06-21T10:21:00.007-04:00

“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.”
~Flora Whittemore

Two mourning doves landed right in front of me early the other morning...a day or two after arriving back home to my cabin after a few weeks absence. (More about where I'd been in the next post!) Sitting on my front porch enjoying the cool mountain air and a cup of warm herbal tea, the doves fluttered down on the ground a few feet away, as if to say "welcome home."

I take most things as "a sign" -- especially when it has something to do with the natural world -- so this was a delight. I've heard their distant cooing before, but in the year and a half I've lived in my mountain ridge cabin, I don't remember seeing mourning doves land so near by.

But as soon as they touched down, I immediately "felt" a little energetic vibration.
That "inner knowing" feeling you can get when you're quiet and open and receptive...(instead of speeding about listening to those noisy thoughts in your head!) So after I said "good morning" and welcomed the pair, I wondered what my "Animal-Speak" book had to say about the folklore of mourning doves.

Before I could get inside to my library, my curiosity had me do a little Internet searching at my makeshift desk on the front porch. I came across a post that revealed bits of interesting lore. Doves embody the maternal instinct (which was not surprising since my mother's spirit "visits" me often) and much of the legend around the dove associates it with several goddesses. This part of the message that I read really stood out for me:

"When dove appears it is asking us to go within and release our emotional discord, be it of the past or the present. It assists us in releasing trauma stored within our cellular memory. Humming can aid in this release.
"Doves hold the energy of promise. When inner turmoil is cleared from our thoughts, words and feelings, the possibility of good fortune awaits us. In order to receive the gifts the dove bestows on us, healing on all levels is paramount."

So I began humming away (as suggested) and thanked the little winged visitors for their messages...delivered at the perfect moment. I s'pose we're getting divine messages all the time from all sorts of sources. The key to be able to "hear" them, I find, is to be quiet enough -- like sitting in stillness for a few moments each day -- and have a wondering-like curiosity about the world around us.

Do this with me: Take a deep, slow breath -- inhaling softly and deeply; then exhaling even slower, like a long, languid sigh -- and keep doing that until, in the peaceful quiet that comes with the conscious breath, you can hear a message waiting at your heart's door. (Perhaps delivered on the wings of one sort of angel or another!)

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia